


Idiot Lovers Anonymous

by FacepalmUnited



Category: Little Witch Academia, RWBY, The Owl House (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:20:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26974306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FacepalmUnited/pseuds/FacepalmUnited
Relationships: Amity Blight/Luz Noceda, Diana Cavendish/Atsuko "Akko" Kagari, Ruby Rose/Weiss Schnee
Comments: 21
Kudos: 190





	1. Chapter 1

_ Was this really the place? _

Amity glanced at the card in her hand, small and white like a business card, but with less info and different material. It was a peculiar thing with glowing letters and a symbol of a snowflake on it. 

_ “Are you in love with an absolute moron? Someone who causes more problems than they solve? Then we have the place and people for you.” _

It appeared in her pocket about a week ago, after Luz tried testing an unidentified potion on herself, causing her to sweat orange juice until Eda could get an antidote. She ignored it at first, after all, she wasn’t in love with anyone. This was very quickly proven wrong after she spent an entire night planning her and Luz’s wedding. 

Aside from the text and snowflake, the card was curiously empty, but of course, that was a test. After a quick examination, there was more writing, in invisible ink. This revealed a code, which was deciphered into another, and another, and another, until finally giving her an address, a date, and a time. Whoever made this was clearly very clever.

It all led to a small, quaint cafe in a town called Blytonbury. It was a cute place, with cozy decorations and the pleasant smell of baked goods. Surprisingly, there was no one else, not even a cashier, there with her, aside from a blonde girl with green highlights and a girl with a ponytail as white as snow.

“Amity Blight,” the blonde spoke, sipping a cup of tea with a grin. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.” Amity approached cautiously as the other woman offered her a seat. “We’re always looking for new members of our group.”

“Your group? Who are you?” Amity questioned, still unsure of what was happening.

“My name is Diana Cavendish, and this is Weiss Schnee.”

“We’re like you, Amity,” Weiss spoke, pouring her a cup of tea. As creepy as the situation was, they were trying their absolute hardest to make the green-haired witch- the younger green-haired witch comfortable. Amity eventually gave in, taking a seat and taking a sip of a sweet, flavorful tea. “Make yourself at a friend’s house. We’ve paid to have the cafe all to ourselves today. You don’t have to worry about anyone embarrassing you or revealing anything that you will say.”

“Isn’t it, ‘make yourself at home?’”

“Normally it is, but of course, we don’t like our homes.”

“S-same. How did you know?”

“Like we said,” Diana chimed in, “We’re like you.” Amity smiled. She found her people.

. . .

Quite some time passed as they discussed their school lives, poor home conditions, and of course…

“So Diana, how is Akko doing?”

With one question, the entire conversation shifted.

“Oh! Akko’s doing fine. Thank you for asking, Weiss,” Diana replied, far more enthusiastic and cheerful than before. “She’s been getting better at flying. If only she wouldn’t be so reckless.”

“Who’s Akko?” Amity asked, a curious tinge in her voice.

“Diana’s girlfriend,” Weiss interjected, causing Diana to turn as red as a tomato.

“H-hey! We’re not officially dating yet! We’re just friends!” She yelled, shaking the table and tipping over their empty teacups.

“Oh? You’re just friends? Last week you said she kissed you!”

“IT WAS A FRIENDSHIP KISS!” Amity watched in awe, these stoic, steadfast girls transforming into gossiping schoolgirls in seconds. “Besides, don’t act like you aren’t this way to Ruby!”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Weiss slammed a fist against the table, almost knocking over the teapot

“You told me she fell off the dorm’s roof and thought it was attractive!”

“SHE WAS TRYING TO MAKE ZWEI FLY, IT WAS ADORABLE!”

“Can somebody please explain to me what’s happening?” Amity finally interrupted, their outburst quickly ending and returning to a civil tea party.

After a long, uncomfortable silence, Diana finally answered, “Well, Amity, the real reason we have our group is- well-”

“We’re in love with absolute buffoons,” Weiss finished, prompting an understanding nod from the witch.

“Exactly.” They both stared at Amity, who looked as if she was solving 50 calculus questions at once. “Are you okay?”

“Sorry, it’s just- I feel like I know you better than I do myself,” Amity spoke with tearful eyes, with tears of joy and bliss.

“There there,” Weiss muttered, giving Amity a quick hug and patting her back. “We’ve all been there before. Why don’t you tell us about your dummy?”

“Well, Luz is really something else,” Amity blurted, cheeks redder than Diana’s were (no one seemed to think much of this as they were all lovestruck idiots, but it very clearly was not normal and possibly even unhealthy). “She just tries so hard at everything but fails almost every time. She never gives up despite this. I love that about her.” She paused, never actually having said that out loud before. “That felt really good to finally say. Wow.”

“That’s what we were hoping for. It’s alright for you to feel like this. You don’t have to be little miss perfect all the time.”

“We both know what you’re going through, and we will help you,” Diana began. “Akko and Ruby are just like Luz, and we know more about dealing with these feelings than anyone else.”

Amity stared in confusion before saying, “But neither of you seem to be handling this well.” Weiss was bewildered, trying to rebuke her but failing while Diana took a long drink from her empty teacup.

“That may be true, however-” She was interrupted by a massive crash from outside, a brunette girl being dragged away by a broomstick that she had tied herself to. “AKKO?”

At the same time, Weiss removed her scroll, an unseen text from Yang waiting for her. Attached was a photo of Ruby, who had made a pair of makeshift wings using their sheets while on top of Beacon tower.

“RUBY?”

Both the witch and the huntress gathered their belongings, ready to dash out in seconds.

“Same time next week?” Diana quipped, prompting a quick nod from Weiss. “See you later, Amity.”

And within moments, they were gone. Amity pondered by herself for several minutes before finally leaving. She smiled. 

This was going to by fun.


	2. This Again

“Amity, who was that girl you were with last night?”

“She’s just a friend from school.”

“Right, a  _ human _ is just a friend from school. What have I told you about friends?”

“We Blights only associate with the strongest of witchlings.”

“Exactly. I forbid you from interacting with that- that human.”

“But mom-”

“No excuses. Go to your room! Now!”

Amity slumped into her all too large room, falling onto her bed with a painful thump. Her face strained into a raisin-like visage, trying as hard as humanly (witchly?) possible to hold in her tears. Didn’t her so-called-mother understand not to interfere with young love? Or at least what could have been young love if someone wasn’t incapable of even saying a single word to their “friend.” Was it really so hard to say a simple “I love you,” or “I want to be more than just friends?” It’s just a simple phrase, like-

The narrator’s ramblings were interrupted by a soft tapping on her window. She stumbled out of bed, taking careful steps to stay quiet. Following her Nat 20 stealth check, her cabbage hair poked out, overshadowed by a pair of girls on a broomstick.

“Need a lift?” A fellow cabbage haired witch quipped, a gentle smile covering her face.

“Diana? What are you doing here?” Amity spoke in a mixture of a hushed whisper and a startled shriek.

“Hey! I’m here too,” Weiss retorted in a manner clearly intended to bring attention to herself.

Ignoring the Schnee, Diana continued, “We’re here to save you. I saw your grounding in my divinations and knew we had to save you!”

“But what if my mom checks in on me? Wouldn’t she know I’m-”

“We have everything covered. You need not worry. We came prepared with a 27 step plan to keep you safe.”

“Can we go faster? It’s step 6 already,” Weiss butted in, decidedly pointing at her wrist in a meaningless gesture.

“Right, sorry. The cafe is closed at the moment, so I figured we could go for a bit of a joyride instead. The night air should work wonders for our stresses.”

“That sounds perfect!” Amity excitedly replied, attempting to step outside before glaring at the ground below her. “Um, can that broom fit all of us?”

Taking out a cartoonishly shaped button, Weiss said with a smirk, “Step 8.” With a single push, the broom extended to a much larger length, with small rocket boosters on the sides, to which Amity stared at in horror, recalling Luz’s stories of the Warden. “Don’t worry, we don’t have to use those. Constanze just adds those onto everything she makes for some reason.” She paused for a moment before adding, deadpan, “I can’t let Ruby get her designs.”

Following a cautious mounting, the bourgeoise trio took to the skies.

“Where to, Amity?” Diana asked, not taking her steady eyes off the  road skies. “We can stay in the Isles if you’d like. We could also visit Vale. Blytonbury’s really nice this time of year. Really, really nice.”

“Hmmm. Blytonbury sounds nice right now?”

A cloud passed over them, feeling more like a damp bog than the fluffy cotton candy it seemed to be, but once they exited its misty grasp, they were soaring over the quaint English town. Lights flickered below them like fireflies in the night, with the charming clicks of the crickets being the chatters of ensuing crowds. A stage was set in the town square with a brunette girl, dressed in an extravagant costume, adorned with a custom fit cape and an oversized hat. The broom came to an abrupt stop, almost throwing the Weiss off in the process. 

“Watch it, you nitwit!” She screamed, forcing Diana back into concentration. “What’s the matter with-” Her anger soon turned into a grin as she saw what lied below. “I think I get it.”

“No, you don’t.”

“You just wanted to see Akko’s show, didn’t you?” 

Diana turned from a cabbage to a tomato.

Amity turned red as well, but due to laughter rather than embarrassment.

“S-shut up! This isn’t even her actual show.”

“Oh? Care to elaborate?”

Diana stammered, her words coming out about as disordered and chaotic as she did, “This is her rehearsal. She, um, she didn’t want me to see it before the actual show.” Collective gasps came from Amity and Weiss, the former’s being very obviously fake. “Excuse me, what was that for, Amity?”

She snickered for a solid 10 seconds before finally stuttering, “You’re SO gay for her.”

“I will throw you off this broom in an instant. I will cast a spell that eliminates you from this earthly realm.” None of her hollow threats deterred the others’ joy. What did stop them was the incessant shaking of the broom, bringing them lower and lower until, before they could even realize, they came crashing down onto a nearby roof. Luckily, Weiss managed to create a small ramp of ice, which, when they broke right through it, made their fall far worse than it should have been. Luckily, the witches had their own ideas, and by the time they hit the ground, Amity was lying on a pile of abomination goo with a dapper ferret on top of her head. Weiss, aura flickering, crawled out of a human-shaped hole beside them, lips quivering as anger radiated on her face.

“Weiss? Are you okay?” Amity spoke, picking Diana off of her head and placing her gently on the ground before her transformation reverted. Weiss strutted closer, seemingly enraged, before bursting into the biggest fit of laughter she had ever had (second actually, as there was an incident with Ruby and three whole turkey dinners). The others followed suit, and the trio was in hysterics. Their high ended as a volley of magical fireworks exploded above them, signaling the end of Akko’s show.

Amity took a quick glance at Diana.

Rosy cheeks. A hearty smile. She was truly in love.

“You should tell her how you feel,” She suggested, placing a hand on the older witch’s shoulder. “I’m sure she’d feel the same.”

“T-thanks, Amity,” she responded, her voice more elated and floaty than usual. “W-we should probably get you back home. We’re on step 24 right now.”

“Were you ever going to tell me your plan?”

“Nope. Never Will. Weiss, can you make us a summon. I think we broke Cons’s new broom. She’s not going to be happy about this.”

“You know,” Weiss replied, in deep thought, “I don’t know if I actually can. This AU is definitely still in Beacon and I don’t think…” The others stared at her, faces blank. “Never mind. There’s a leyline nearby. We can borrow some brooms and take that.”

“Sounds good!”

The trio soon took off, giddy with love for their dum-dums. But they were not as unseen as they thought. As the show ended, Akko took a quick detour backstage, eying the departing trio. Finding a safe spot, she removed her phone from its pocket, swiftly opening it and pressing the icon for Discord.

**ShiniestChariot** Today at 11:57 PM

@RedLikeRoses

You’re not gonna believe this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're back! Enjoy this weekly... biweekly... monthly... ENJOY THIS.

**Author's Note:**

> Salutations! I figured I might as well post something other than Fate's Playthings for once. This was a dumb idea I had that I wrote in barely any time. I might actually write more and add more ships to the mix (currently thinking of Catadora). Either way, until next time!


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